Main Page
Site Map
Generic Page
Galactic Guide
  Best Science
  Horror Films
  Naked Lunch
  Trees Falling
  Twenty Mins.

Status: In Review

%t Revision
%n 6S author approved
%a Alex Gough  (
%d 19990607
%s The Art of Gentle Procrastination
%x Alcohol Guilt In Students
%x Examinations, Fifty Ways To Fail
%x High School

Revision is the process of preparing for an examination by going through your previous notes and assignments until thoroughly versed in the topic of the exam. It is also the most soul destroying activity known to man. Revision has been used for centuries to subjugate the younger members of society and to keep them away from the dangers of free time, social contact and alcohol.

Revision should be a Good Thing, as it involves learning, which is a noble goal, but it is actually a Very Bad Thing Indeed. This is because it is always geared towards learning answers to previous examination questions in the hope that they will reappear. As they always do then this is a safe course of action for the ambitious student even though it will leave them empty of all true knowledge at the end of their course.

There are many ways to revise, most of them have been created by teachers or parents and are thus impractical for the student. The most common forms are as follows:

1 - Taking notes on notes you have already taken

This is a recursive method of revision and will cause all sense of your original notes to be lost within three iterations. Even if you were to start with absolute truth you would quickly end up with garbled mish-mash.

It is suggested by some that this is the way in which the universe was created, by a God who had to swot up for his final exam in omniscience but accidently missed things out.

2 - Doing a Very Great Number of Questions

This is believed to be the most effective method of revision as it allows the student to become familiar with the examination he is to sit. This will cause them to pass, but not to actually know anything. It is also the most tedious of all forms of revision as each past paper is the same as any other. Many people suggest that it would be easier to allow students to see the paper than to have to create a generic one from multiple past papers. The establishment looks down on this, calling it 'cheating'.

3 - Randomly reading pages of a textbook

This is at first a very satisfying method but is almost as ineffective as method 5 below. This is because textbooks are hard to read and frequently wrong.

4 - Consulting Demonic Powers

This could be a very good method of revision but it requires a good deal of work before it can be utilised. It is also known to be the form of revision which causes the most fatalities amongst its adherants as they are torn asunder by the powers they have called up. This method is not generally reccomended, even by very progressive teachers.

5 - The Correct Way to Revise

This is the method employed by most if not all students. It involves very few stages and is easily carried out. I will illustrate it with the following example...

12:00 Sit down at desk.
12:01 Get books out, shuffle paper around a bit.
12:02 Look out of window whilst chewing pen.
12:45 Stare at ceiling instead as window has become a little boring.
12:59 Walk out of room and congratulate self on a good hour of solid revision.

This process is repeated until something good appears on the television.

Project Galactic Guide Search the guide for:

 ^Back to Top^ | ©Alex Gough Mon Mar 14 2005 ...more than you might imagine.