Status: In Review
%n 6S author approved
%a Alex Gough (email@example.com)
%s The Art of Gentle Procrastination
%x Alcohol Guilt In Students
%x Examinations, Fifty Ways To Fail
%x High School
Revision is the process of preparing for an examination by going through
your previous notes and assignments until thoroughly versed in the topic of
the exam. It is also the most soul destroying activity known to man.
Revision has been used for centuries to subjugate the younger members of
society and to keep them away from the dangers of free time, social contact
Revision should be a Good Thing, as it involves learning, which is a noble
goal, but it is actually a Very Bad Thing Indeed. This is because it is
always geared towards learning answers to previous examination questions in
the hope that they will reappear. As they always do then this is a safe
course of action for the ambitious student even though it will leave them
empty of all true knowledge at the end of their course.
There are many ways to revise, most of them have been created by teachers
or parents and are thus impractical for the student. The most common
forms are as follows:
1 - Taking notes on notes you have already taken
This is a recursive method of revision and will cause all sense of your
original notes to be lost within three iterations. Even if you were to
start with absolute truth you would quickly end up with garbled mish-mash.
It is suggested by some that this is the way in which the universe was
created, by a God who had to swot up for his final exam in omniscience but
accidently missed things out.
2 - Doing a Very Great Number of Questions
This is believed to be the most effective method of revision as it allows
the student to become familiar with the examination he is to sit. This
will cause them to pass, but not to actually know anything. It is also
the most tedious of all forms of revision as each past paper is the same as
any other. Many people suggest that it would be easier to allow students
to see the paper than to have to create a generic one from multiple past
papers. The establishment looks down on this, calling it 'cheating'.
3 - Randomly reading pages of a textbook
This is at first a very satisfying method but is almost as ineffective as
method 5 below. This is because textbooks are hard to read and frequently
4 - Consulting Demonic Powers
This could be a very good method of revision but it requires a good deal of
work before it can be utilised. It is also known to be the form of
revision which causes the most fatalities amongst its adherants as they
are torn asunder by the powers they have called up. This method is not
generally reccomended, even by very progressive teachers.
5 - The Correct Way to Revise
This is the method employed by most if not all students. It involves very
few stages and is easily carried out. I will illustrate it with the
12:00 Sit down at desk.
12:01 Get books out, shuffle paper around a bit.
12:02 Look out of window whilst chewing pen.
12:45 Stare at ceiling instead as window has become a little boring.
12:59 Walk out of room and congratulate self on a good hour of solid
This process is repeated until something good appears on the television.